On nights like this when I am lying in bed unable to sleep, feeling sad and lost and lonely, and the heart heavy with emotions, my mind goes back to a scene from one of the early seasons of Grey's Anatomy : the one where Christina has an ectopic pregnancy and has to undergo an emergency surgery - she is lying in the hospital bed looking alright but when Burke comes and lies down beside her holding her, she breaks down.
I can relate to Christina because I think I am as emotionally challenged as she is. I can feel the emotions that must have been running inside her and the need to let them out and let them flow. And I know the frustration of not being able to do that. The internal turmoil of holding things in. I battle them all the time. I know them like the back of my hand.
But Christina had her Burke to hold her. I have no one to call my own.
Nights like this when loneliness slowly creeps up my spine and into my soul, when emotions run amok, when bitterness threatens to invade me, when there are strange voices in my head, when I need to let it out and let it go, when I am screaming voiceless screams, I wish for someone strong enough to comfort me. Someone to lie down beside and hold me tight. Someone whose heartbeat will calm down my restless heart. Someone whose embrace will melt the coldness inside and drive bitterness away.
And it's also nights like this that make me realize how utterly alone I am in this world. No one to love me through the stormy night. No one to tell me it's gonna be alright.
I can relate to Christina because I think I am as emotionally challenged as she is. I can feel the emotions that must have been running inside her and the need to let them out and let them flow. And I know the frustration of not being able to do that. The internal turmoil of holding things in. I battle them all the time. I know them like the back of my hand.
But Christina had her Burke to hold her. I have no one to call my own.
Nights like this when loneliness slowly creeps up my spine and into my soul, when emotions run amok, when bitterness threatens to invade me, when there are strange voices in my head, when I need to let it out and let it go, when I am screaming voiceless screams, I wish for someone strong enough to comfort me. Someone to lie down beside and hold me tight. Someone whose heartbeat will calm down my restless heart. Someone whose embrace will melt the coldness inside and drive bitterness away.
And it's also nights like this that make me realize how utterly alone I am in this world. No one to love me through the stormy night. No one to tell me it's gonna be alright.
